Dear: Every year for the past 15 years, my husband’s sister has sent us a great cookie at home for Christmas. My husband belongs to a large family and he does this for every family.
I know this involves a lot of time and effort on her part, and she sends them via priority mail, which means extra cost.
The problem is, we do not eat cookies. Weight is a concern for both of us, and I avoid sugar or sugar products because I do not believe they are healthy.
Before we retired, we were taken to work to remove the cookies or they were thrown out.
Many years ago, I asked my mother-in-law what she should do to avoid causing difficult feelings. She said, “Don’t say anything; She needs something to keep her busy. “I asked a brother-in-law how he handled unwanted cookies. He said, “Throw them away or give, but Don’t tell her. ”
My SIL suffers from mild depression and everyone says lightly around this issue to avoid upsetting her. I think he spent a lot of time and money on these unwanted cookies over the years.
No one on that side of the family has said anything yet, and probably many of them enjoy cookies. The carefully said “thank you, but we can’t consume them” note can cause family problems. Did not attempt to send approval; Cookies kept coming. What is your recommendation?
Sweet problem with attachment
Sweet problem dear: I recommend keeping things that way. Your nephew needs something to occupy the mind and give her a purpose in a year when people can get depressed. Get creative. Those cookies can be appreciated by a church group, a residence for seniors, or a holiday gift to your neighbors.
Dear: My 22 year old daughter asked her 23 year old best friend if she could stay with us for six months. Her friend’s parents would return to Europe to cover some things and then return to their citizenship appointments, so we agreed to this arrangement. No rent, because we are fine.
My daughter got a school offer in Houston and went there in May. Now it’s her best friend and we are home. Well, COVID-19 happened, and the parents are banned from entering the United States, they asked us if she could stay until the ban was lifted, who knows when this will happen. We agreed, but now it’s November.
I lose my personal space and I need her to leave. I think she was too much. But I do not know how to approach her or her family, I say this arrangement will end soon. How do I handle this?
Grew in the south
Dear: You have been generous to your daughter’s best friend and I hope your generosity was appreciated not only by her but also by her parents.
She is an adult and you have to tell her that the arrangement she had with you is coming to an end. Set a date for her to leave and inform her parents that if she is unable to do so, she will have to make other life arrangements for her.
Written by Abigail von Puran, also known as Dear Abby Jean Phillips, it was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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